Note: I do not reprint other people's articles on the blog before. This time, I reprinted an exception.

Due to years of grinding, when I look at someone else's article, I basically are more numb. And this exception. Part of my own experience, and part of the article the author's experience is similar. So when you see the author's experience, I understand very, very sympathetic, and then my psychological defense collapsed. Although the author is an individual, but his experience is not the case. Although the experience of others and he does not completely identical, but there is always someone similar experiences and some of his existence.

For the author of this article, I believe, cause he came to this world, he decided to go on the road today. Everything own karma.

Here add the author's experience: Prior to his 17-year-old monk, foster parents adopted him. During this period of adoptive parents, foster parents and his 8-year-old before, whether it is the same person, I did research. Now his father has cancer.

Author is now a monk. Monks do not lie, so no need to doubt the authenticity of this article.

There are typos in the text, but to respect the original, not to make changes.

October 7, 2018 added: Yu Chen Zhan empty adoptive father, because lung cancer treatment failed, died at 3:11 on October 5, 2018, at the age of 68 years (years of age). Details: Click here to view.

Dad, Mom, brother:

I am Dandong Tao, Chen Yu Zhan is empty. The first write to you, when you see this letter, do not dismay; Likewise, I would not be amazed. Let us patiently read down together, because to write down every word, it is the most sincere flow of life, and the truth lies.

I've been a monk for 18 years. Today, not only as a son, but also is a Master of the identity of a monk to write this letter to you. Our 26 years of no contact, I wonder exactly what kind of character you want as a start, give you an idea of ??my 26-year journey through life. 26 years, for me, it seems like a dream, but this dream is so real, so full. Now I'm doing great, but also the life you want. In the summer of 2007 and began preaching classes, taught at a Buddhist Institute, Zhejiang, do the Belief in Guanyin Institute of cultural studies and communication, also published his work "The Origin of Encounter", "S & P into the door" and so on.

Back in 2000, the late spring of that year, I was a monk in the provincial capital Taiyuan, according to Temple round. Before, I remember you once looked in my 17 years of age. I heard that this year, you are transferred to the National People's Congress office, I was admitted to the school favored, want you to support me to study, but you mercilessly refused, did not even let me into the house, drink water. A year later, perhaps an act of God, when I carry hatred, desperation, and I met a Goddess of Mercy temple. Next is the biggest change my life, as I said before, hair as a monk.

Monk life, such a success, in fact, from a certain "sense", we should thank you for letting me truthfully experienced suffering and see the worst part of human life in the world. Dharma talk the truth of suffering, the suffering of the manufacturer and the lead brother is trouble and ignorance of aggregation. I write to you, I can remember back to childhood, you do, and I was not, like, back together again dark period of years. At this point, I should be full of anger and hatred. 18 years of Dharma, let me calm. Today, I just let the identity of a narrator of the four of us know the truth of a fact, presenting a real "Dong Tao," and showing what you do not see the real "you", so the four of us go through this together trip journey now.

In 1982 the first month, you gave birth to me, I was the second child, there are even a brother, your eldest son Dandong Bo. Just this year, met the family planning policy, as a father to you, in order to preserve the propaganda department of the office, you put me ruthlessly discarded, sent to the countryside to a strange family, turn a blind eye, a flash is 8 years. I spent half of his childhood years in the land, in the meantime, I do not know you exist. One day came home from school at noon, around the entrance to a bunch of people, they tell me, your own father came to pick you up. This realized it, I still have biological parents, in this world. You use a variety of relationships, without my will, in total disregard of my feelings and emotions, forced to take me back to your families.

This year is the origin of my life suffering. Although the family was poor father, I live there still happy. West stay, Nanshan, SJ group of peers, I was everyone's child king, summer arrived, I took them to catch crickets, more than anyone else catch that time, innocent. Before the age of 8 years of my life good memories tenderness. And again you my life, I gave birth to a ruthless abandon, now back to me is punishment, curses and violence, I would eventually abandoned. You are exactly as you will and face, or on account of a mother, I feel as a husband, "I'm pretty good." Rigidly brought me back to a strange family, and strangers of three people living together. Today to see the marital relationship of the family, parent-child relationship, a serious imbalance in back disorders. As a father, you do not go home all day, debauchery, self-willed character, cruel, ruthless. Mother, worried all day long, melancholy temper. Brother, is a small fry, ignorant and incompetent, the family no warmth and laughter. See here, I hope you do not mind tingling, this is true. Perhaps today, you did not recognize your family problem.

As parents, most failed, there is no ability to handle big brother and my relationship.

I was a long 4-year-old brother, he's my nightmare onset. Remember, the first few days back, he pulled me into another room, said to me:. "Why did you come back, want to share my love, I divided the family property" for the 8-year-old me, what's possessions, no idea .

You start really good for me, "love", but this is no sense of proportion "love" exacerbated the beginning of my nightmare. You took me to nap relatives stopping by, go shopping, buy clothes, the most detestable is that every time you say, "You see, the East waves, and the light stick your brother, you buy a new skin jacket. "this is the pick of fire behavior, you go to stimulate his jealousy. Dandong Bo for my sudden anger itself is, for him, it was "love split share and property." I remember very clearly, the next day, you go to work. He told me, sneer, get the scissors in front of me slowly clothes knife knife cut rotten.

Next, you arrange to be the East Gate Primary School. I am quiet and reserved, very quiet, study hard, and soon into the new learning environment, students have been accepted and liked. After school, students call on me, go to their home homework, homework, their parents like me. Every time I stay for dinner, I fear, did not dare to eat, says hungry. If you know, it is the meal scolded and beaten. Afraid of the coming night at seven o'clock, and this time, I had to leave the students home, but home for me, as if that is a return to hell.

Back home, a meal, big brother to control me, let me eat, I can only drink a bowl of porridge, not allowed to eat the staple food, the secret you do not know it. On one occasion, it is not hungry, drink a bowl of porridge, his feet under the table to get kicked me, before I had finished, he said, "Mom and Dad, I brought my brother back to the never ending, counseling younger brother to learn." You He praised him for his sensible. He split personality metamorphosis side, you never have the ability to perceive and know. To a room, boxed both my ears, saying: "Why do not listen, why eat?!" Cowardly I stood there, trembling whiz. Every meal, all kinds of contradictions, I became the focus of the question. I do not eat you too, which I also want to tell you why, but you did not give me trust and love, I live in a day of violence in your language, I can not say why. In addition you hit me, it is a curse, my life is you say nothing. You can not rise higher positions, also blamed on my head, I say if there is no birth, you can meteoric rise.

My homework was he torn, burned by his winter operations. Can not pay work, school teacher to find you, and you do not seek the truth, as the father of you, I just beat him. As a mother you, stand aside Shuangshoubaoxiong to see the joke. To be honest, you really do not deserve to mother. Brother, see you hit me indiscriminately, he began to intensify. He forced me to steal, steal money, to satisfy the desire of his mental imbalance and ulterior motives.

Before the Spring Festival, you get home, proudly she said, picking up 500 yuan this month, show off in front of us, 10 50 new money. The next day, what happened, you remember it. At noon home, you found less one, is not the question I get, I desperately shaking his head, said it was not. Brother stood, dragged me aside and whispered to me, Dong Tao, from bricks beneath the garden. Come on, I will intercede for your father. I said, you let me steal. Brother grabbed me and get the money in front of you. You apart from anything else, I put one foot kicked the door, I was covered in blood you play.

As you sick, you should start with pliers to squeeze my mouth and ears, pulled me away, mouth bloody. Earlobe year on a winter break, after a few years, I eat chopsticks are Nabu Wen, his hands trembling, sick every year, parents asked me why I did not say, did not go to therapy, I stayed up all life and life come. All this is the initiator of Dandong Bo, is nothing more than trying to catch me out of this house. His metamorphosis and with your ignorance, vanity and cruelty, I became you play with puppets. Of course, you are the most unforgivable. You are an adult, you should have a sense of choice, for him to deal with the sudden a brother's home event. You take me home, can not afford to love me and protect me, choosing instead to violence to resolve.

Vacation, he took me to the game room to play, so I gave him steal money. At first, I did not dare to do such things, forced his despotic power, they trained me, then, I actually learned how to steal. After that, he asked me to steal neighbors, including eating fun. Once, a neighbor came to the door, he came forward to do good. Childhood habits are trained to steal seared in my subconscious, it troubled me for years, until later, after my many years of perseverance, and steal my habit was completely cut off.

Every weekend, go to grandma to eat. You go, we go after. He rode a bicycle twenty-eight, so I jumped on the back seat, an 8-year-old child, height and skills did not allow, he rode so fast, every time I fall and get bruises, but I still desperately chase he. If Grandma can not go to dinner point, but also a meal you are beaten.

One night, her brother in front of you showed a very concerned about my look, let me sleep with him, you actually agree, and I think that his relationship intimacy. Northern winter night, I was chilled all night, he did not give me tuck, night after night. Until many years after the monk body strength only gradually recover. But I spent nearly 15 years, 15 years, you know what it means. For you, it may not be worth the time, and you have enslaved the time. For me, time is priceless. I want to make progress day by day, I want to live my life from the meaning and value of life.

Give you a look at the article and a book written when I was in Beijing Institute of pilgrims in the winter of 2004, this article was never published, excerpts of which a fragment:

"Parents in the eyes of other students is a warm haven, love, laughter, intimate embrace, is the intimate nestling, a childhood spoiled the weekend object and harmonious joy, is hungry sweetly whine gas bark and by the outer soft voice whispers consolation when bullied. these to me, never had. I can not Shexiang, in the depths of my memory I never had Caesar Johnson, he never had the warmth of affection. I was beaten in parents cursed silently next to each day, again and again survived hunger linger in my heart even than this cold lonely winter .8 Beijing ice age, again and again to throw stripped naked outside in the cold, frozen dying, you pulled me back and threw it on the floor, woke up, and then they kicked out, it seems that I become your desire to vent their emotions, and black tool.

Inadvertently, I think of that night. Animals brother asked me to masturbate him, I'm afraid, I asked around in my life also riddled never seen Guo Zhedeng capers. Strong brother molested me. The next day, the apple dig a hole in front of my face to his lower body stuffed inside. You came home, my brother actually said playing back on his lower body, lower body because he was uncomfortable. You, the facts do not ask why, but the most vicious of the most evil eyes toward me, then hit me with the bench. "

Today, 13 years ago, I read this text with the four of us. If an outsider like myself, watching a tragic fate, after suffering children, I just want to hug him. Because, today, I have lit their own inner darkness, the same resolve curse you under.

I began to escape, the more I escape, the more you perverted Kill me, you always say is, Siyeyaosi surnamed Shi home. You threw me into the cellar room, sometimes hungry, I can only spend eating raw potatoes, then vomiting or diarrhea.

The last time to escape, Hinton is in full bloom.

Once again you are caught. You throw me in a courtyard garden, I swill down one, you spade shovel my head, my hand instinctively to block the shovel, suddenly, the fingers straight blood spill. Looking at the heavens, powerless despair. Later, I ran away, of course, the escape plan was "grateful" Your son Dandong Bo, without his help, how can I escape got it. He put me in an abandoned pigsty, I stayed there for a day and a night. Northern February day, cold, such as acupuncture. I hid in a barn, I see you looking angrily shadow, night, Dandong Bo sent a bun, and a take matches. The next day, I finally ran away, you never go in search of the 8-year-old child's whereabouts, to try to find out from him. I will abandon you once again, and since then, we heard from since.

And then tell you a secret. I often went to a grandmother in nearly ten days at home, close to home. She gave me a smear of blood. He asked me who hit you, you are someone's child. I said I was an orphan. She gave me cook, I talk to her, could be on for a long time. I said, grandma, I want to always be with you, always accompany you to the old. Grandmother said, silly child, my grandmother is old. Today, I can still remember her kind of looks, the silver gray, she can feel the richness of humanity and goodness of heart.

Window touch of the sun, reveals the curtain, came refraction, shine on me, very comfortable. At this time of the year which is the southern most beautiful when mature and full. Home, Datong, should be getting cold sink, flow frost sky.

I have been to many countries, been to many cities, through numerous bridges, millions of people have seen, it has gone through a lot of good things. The older, more and more clear: a person's life, is the childhood experiences of a continuous cycle. In the 26 years of his life, I always have personality traits are two forces in confrontation: violence and non-violence, ignorance and wisdom, hatred and forgiveness, anger and peace, stiffness and flexibility. In the course of psychological treatment, my psychology teacher said I was the most peculiar cases encountered in her life. During treatment, she often sobbed. I ask, what has kept me going, or what faith can support me go straight ahead. I said, I do not know, I feel like I was beat to death a little strong. She paused for a long time, this good analogy. I saw a powerful force in your body, an extraordinary strength.

Yes, but fortunately this life, I met a Buddhist, met the real you.

Over the years, I've been walking more, on the way to heal itself self-treatment. Each night, the undercurrent of childhood trauma and torture me. I accept the feelings and emotions flow: depression, anger, hatred, anxiety, and anxiety attacks, so strong, so real, it was all caused by your own hands.

You curse me, you abuse me, I have no family in this little joy and no little warmth, ask me in the end is not your real daughter?

You husband and wife live in this world with a mask, personality torn, twisted and dissociation. From you to me sadistic point of view, your mental development level is too low, you can not control myself, could not handle the fact that I am taken back, you find you want or I do not mind imagined "child" but vanity and face or "guilty" I had to take home, plus Dandong Bo from the sow discord, I began to shape, using violent means, there is never love. You can not afford to see his son as a person, but as a pure son "object" to meet their own tool or an object of desire and purpose.

This is your own limited psychological development, lack of normal human emotion. Also the basic human nature.

Over the years, I said to myself, Dong Tao, believe me, I will accompany you wading through this black river of life, believe me, believe you.

Now, I crossed all the suffering and humiliation, became my life's most valuable asset, happiness peaceful, comfortable rich.

I like to have their own business and benefit from the Dharma, there are beings I love, and I love beings.

This letter is neither grateful you made my suffering, nor the irony of you in this way, but the three of you and do a separate and forever farewell ceremony.

Today, I was separated from my childhood farewell. Me and my resolve to eliminate suffering. I shake hands with my destiny.

26 years of his life with me finally draw a satisfactory conclusion. Healthy personality, independent-minded.

Great Dharma practice, I always maintained a belief that human life is very short, and very limited, meaning of life is to give, is to give. A psychology teacher said, when we begin to love, to care for others, we will see our energy is hugely magnified. We had people who were warm, because we will help a better place. And they will continue to give other people of goodwill and love. Endless. One hundred years later, our lives annihilation in the years of long history, and we stay in these love still flowing, passing, fermentation, distillation. In this way, our life only really have eternal significance.

I'm With your body, we came to this colorful world. Past events come and go, resentment and hate, are all settled, one by one put down. Life is so, stop a moment and move forward. From now on, we have to their easy road, life is lived up really want.

Reprinted from Yu Chen Zhan empty personal micro-channel public number, description link: https: //mp.weixin.qq.com/s/DZqnoqumiGZkq8BSXSfRSg