Unconsciously after year. 2020 ushered in the occasion, allow me from my event happened in the past year to look back on past 2019.

The first three months of 2019, I was still in the home to take care of her sick mother. Two meals a day or three meals, firewood to light a fire. Seeing the weather gets warmer day by day, once again Kaobo the idea more strongly. At the same time, due to the problems of depression has not yet out, and I hope that from the outside world looking for something to make up for the trauma of warmth. In early April, after helping his mother bought the medicine, I walked along the track in April 2013, and went to Yunnan to pack up, ready to use a month's time to review the second time to attend his alma mater, PhD entrance examination.

Back to Yunnan after the discovery, his alma mater, the old library closed decoration, as always, need a new library card to enter. Hotels in learning suffer, I inadvertently encountered a laboratory assistant teacher laboratory where a tutor during graduate school. So, a few days after I arrived in Yunnan, borrowed from the hands of the teacher has not yet obsolete old meal card, either enter a new library, and can recharge in the cafeteria Dafan.

During that time I was very memorable, life is very full. Before approaching Cobb few days after I took the initiative to help a school girl, she met the multi-disciplinary master's psychology did not apply for the top students admitted. After she and communicate on a number of issues in psychology, I opened the part of the knot, but also more aware of this human world of good and evil.

This year Cobb, a tutor referral also does not help me, let alone two instructors. I apply for the doctoral tutor super good student, well known. Had a tragic experience during my graduate school, has been a fundamental change in the choice of mentor direction - the first character, academic second. Academic level and character do not really positive correlation, or even nothing.

At the end of the written test, interview the day (written test and interview carried out simultaneously, to avoid multiple entry candidates), I learned that the teacher candidates who have six people, two of whom did not participate in the written test. 4 individual entrant, there is a third Cobb, One of China Agricultural University and is a graduate of the top students in the payroll Kunming Institute of Zoology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences.

After the exam, I stroll in Kunming shopping, she got up and went to Nanning, entertained by a friend to play for three days. In Nanning, severe wet weather makes me off guard. I still remember the first day to Nanning, look at an old friend of pink in the face, clutching his chest big breath eat. Three days later, I got up and went to the Xuancheng City in Anhui Province Hongyuan Temple.

During these three days Hongyuan Temple, I attended morning and evening chanting and activities in an effort to make the heart calm down as much as possible. Monastery in the mountains outside when I look at the scenery, the brothers met a family in Hebei. He and I suffered the same fate, had suffered from depression seven or eight years, after more than three months as a volunteer in Hongyuan Temple. During this period he has a strong idea of ??a monk, but this time he was already married and has two daughters. Imagine, his wife alone to raise two children hard. In three months he Hongyuan Temple, an old man has been trying to persuade him not to become a monk, every day, to persuade, and ultimately he did not carry out the registration monk, three months his depression have a certain degree of ease. Later, he asked relations into Urban Management Bureau became a city management. As the urban management team of the general cultural level is very low, the quality is very low, and therefore ultimately the conflict between co-workers, and urban management work is very offend people, because he quarrel with colleagues, bad mood, and relax your holiday came to Hongyuan Temple, then we met.

During Hongyuan Temple, I found the Kaobo results. Due to the school's network, I help other people in the school network to help my investigation. The results, and the last time, same as a lot lower than I expected. After I asked who the third Kaobo seniors results, I conclude, I pass the test up. I cried after another, always reluctant to accept the result. Temple in Hongyuan stayed for three days, the longest time non-volunteer groups are able to stay, I left Hongyuan Temple, back to Kunming to find a job.

When I leave Hongyuan sihou down, my mental state became pale. I can conclude that I finally came out from depression. Three days of practice at the monastery I had a lot of positive impact. Dharma thanks, thank Buddha. Amitabha!

I'm on May 29, 2019 back to Kunming, once again a month before the hotel stay was admitted. Then the day before woke up in the morning, I had a dream. I attended an exam, an assignment when the invigilator let me get a few things pack carton filled with his feet in a bag. So I laughed, not yet handed in the examination room invigilator who listen to talk also followed laughed. Out of the examination room, laughing stomach stitch I met a few people outside the examination room. They have seniors who Kaobo third time, and my master's Cobb who also participated during the year students have asked me Editor's Note. Then I woke up laughing. Dream laugh, cry will happen, in my heart there is a sense of foreboding.

That night, I found the admission results. Who Kaobo third of seniors, as well as the top students who graduated from China Agricultural University, doctoral students who are admitted to the instructors I apply for. I also admitted to the doctoral students who mentor the other. I once again fallen off.

From May 30 on, I will be in the future worries, Zhaopin resume. Looking for a job, looking for more than a month. This month, I posted in the 138 resumes future worries, Zhaopin delivered in a 15 resumes, e-mail delivered two copies of your resume. I received a total of 15 invited to the interview, interviewed 13 companies, two successful interview. I interviewed posts, among them, technical services, training of teachers, classroom training administrator, physician assistants and other pets. In addition to a production company Elisa kit, interview techniques and services of other companies basically let me do sales. There are even a company's HR and sales manager asked me straightforward: sales and customers to drink, how much alcohol you drink? Liquor drink much? How much beer to drink?

I interviewed a physician assistant jobs a chain of pet animal hospital in Kunming in June 14. Because of my professional counterparts, but also from later school partnership with them graduate, said as long as they are graduates of this school are basically hired, scheduled for June 18 to the animal hospital to go to work, I was assigned by them went Which branch. Because I am a Master's degree, and therefore higher wages than graduates $ 300, and therefore the trial period wage of one thousand nine hundred yuan (lowercase: 1900.00). Pre positive assessment, including assessment of routine care of animals, play catheter, injected a lot of content, after positive assessment of the success of wages for the month after the positive Erqian $ 100.00 (lowercase: 2100.00). There are three working hours: early morning 8: 00-17: 00, evening 12: 00-21: 00, night 21: 00-09: 00, weekly rest day.

June 16, I received a notice on the 17th I went to a branch of the accommodation and other formalities, June 18 posts. After the posts I found that the new working time is through Class 8: 00-21: 00, both old and new employees must be on every Monday through classes, weekly rest after a day on the second day or the third day must pass classes, and 21:00 unable to work on time, often until midnight even late at night. I have not admitted to the pet hospital staff arrangements such as pyramid schemes in general dormitory rooms (six people live in a dozen square meters). So I usually around 22:30 to run away, to catch the last train bus. In the pet hospital, I was bitten by a dog bite, scratch once was a cat, at their own expense to fight rabies vaccine. Then, I began to frantically resume. Since I began working president from day one has been absent, and there is no strict time schedule I work, so the next day I went to working at night, that is, 12: 00-21: 00 classes, and in the morning when rest or continue the interview.

Working in the pet hospital one night, was probably around 20:30, I was the pet hospital for disinfection of ground, give me a call at home, give me about the object. The other was born in 1992, nominal age 28 years old, is the daughter of my aunt students, home in Heilongjiang, wealthy family, willing to pay the down payment to buy a house. When my aunt reunion, classmate asked her aunt to help introduce the object, I would first of all think of the older single dog. After getting the girl's photo, I immediately rejected, he did not agree with her acquaintance. I gave around two people saw the photo of the girl, who, like me, have agreed that to judge from the photos age is about 50 years old, did not look like 28-year-old man.

June 27, I interviewed a biotechnology company. I posted a post of assistant business, the interview, the interviewer let me do technical support post and said hired on the spot and asked when can I go to work, I said July 1 to work. That day, I was at the end of the post pet hospital test, according to the headquarters asked to go to apply for entry day. I'm ready all the material, I thought, if I am successful interview, I will not go into the post pet hospital, otherwise they go to apply for entry. This biotechnology company after a successful interview, I asked what materials need to entry, the interviewer said, they would me via SMS.

July 1st, I went to work, not the interviewer, another staff member said I did not apply for entry to the notification. She then called to ask the interviewer, the interviewer said I did not pass the interview. I had the whole story to say to the staff, she let me go back to other news. This morning, I posted a few resumes, then went to interview a very tricky business. At 1:30 I went to the company to ask about it, the staff called again to ask the interviewer. After ten minutes, the interviewer called. She explained what she probably meant that their boss also interviewed technical support, so the job is full, I do not have a job interview. I will say things about the process, she said it really was not clear. And later to communicate for some time, she asked me to do sales can not? I said I'm not willing to do sales. She asked an assistant can not do business? I said I could. She said, then go to apply for entry bar. Then she gave another staff member telephoned, I will go through the entry.

A few months down the experience proves, in today's business status, I recruited this company is very correct decision. Although wages after only positive Siqian per month, and if sales do not commission, only seniority wage on an annual basis, that is the second year of the entry monthly salary plus Erbai yuan, the entry in the third year of each month wages plus Erbai yuan, and so on, to pay five insurance payments after positive. However, I encountered a work atmosphere is relatively relaxed, more humane management of the company, also encountered a very good boss character. Work, I will finally play out their strengths.

Then, I rented a room in the old district near the company, to work only ten minutes walk. From April up to six months to pay the rent when the rent, I have a total debt of ten thousand thousand land, I do not know yet when they could pay off. However, at least in serious recession this year, I found a suitable job. Although for strange work, I always skating on thin ice gingerly, afraid of losing their job, work, have errors, but I am familiar with everything, and feel the atmosphere after work, when I finally relaxed at the end of the.

Although I left the iron rice bowl at least for now the secondary school, and in 2018 it and other three secondary schools merged into a large vocational education center, but I never regret 2017. In a sturdy folk, high wages low prices (in addition to prices, other prices are higher than the provincial capital), a minority of color all kinds of evil, the development of extremely underdeveloped prefecture-level city, which manages a group contains a large number of triad brother, drug addicts, a student machetes and other controlled knives to school, with a group of relatively low quality of many of my colleagues to work, I prefer to yearn for spiritual relaxed.

In early December, I purchased a ticket of the twelfth lunar month. At that time, we decided to request half a day off to go early, middle of the night to reach the provincial capital home. Sit bus to the airport that we prefecture-level city urban areas, if all goes well, the time should be around late at night three points. Then according to the actual situation, the decision is to find a hotel to sleep or direct a taxi back home dozens of kilometers away. However, 2020 20:39 pm January 13, send text messages to inform Kunming Airlines canceled flights. My inquiry found that the train has released a number of tickets, so I bought a return train, starting in 2020 January 21 evening, New Year's Eve at home. Ticket has applied for a refund, and the fare has been full price refunded.

December 31, 2019 and January 1 2020, I have two colleagues to get married. So many years, so much to eat banquet, but I was still single. It not urgent, because the relationship of life to later life, not to fall in love and fall in love, but not to get married and get married.

2019, for me the most important thing is, I finally break free from the abyss of depression out, and a clear understanding of the cause of almost all of my depression. All things in the past by recalling his experience, combined with the writings of the founder of peace, and I finally deeply aware of a lot of truth in this world, and adjust their own to face the past, present and future state of mind, to try to resolve all the unfortunate past three decades suffered I bring those extremely bad influence. I will use a more comprehensive perspective to this world record, and further observe, understand the world, and I will make further efforts to get their spiritual relaxation and relief.

Through 2019, with all the past experiences, the more I understand that people's lives have characteristic nature of loneliness. So-called "Buddha Infinite Life Sutra" (Kang Monk armor translation) in said: "only begotten die alone, alone to come alone." I also understand that more and more, say things worthy of conscience how important it is. Although currently there are too many people for the moment interests, or to stuff a lot of nothingness, abnormal thinking, to speak and act against their conscience. But in the long run, they will encounter in the future, unfortunately so bring a lot of places, such as bankruptcy or other things very well, but very few people this causal link. So, I repeatedly told myself, would rather eyes seem to "lose" or not Zhanxiaopianyi, but be sure to hold the bottom line in life.

2019, goodbye. 2020, hello.

This article on December 26, 2019, published in Matters, involved "[We] Matters came to write in 2019" prize essay activities. The published in the blog, he made few changes.